Sunday, March 13, 2011

Thoughts on Masturbation

I’ve recently gotten into a show called “Being Erica”. I’m playing catch-up via Hulu and I watched an episode the other day that got me thinking. Erica walked in on Ethan while he was masturbating and that was a problem for her. I read through the comments of other viewers and, apparently, many people feel that their partner masturbating is a problem.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand this at all.

Masturbation isn’t just for single people. For someone who is single, it might be a replacement for sex. For someone who is in a relationship, masturbation might be a way of seeking relief when their partner is unavailable or not interested, but masturbation is much more than that.

It’s not just a substitute for sex. It’s a form of self-expression. It’s a sexual outlet that can be fully self-serving. A person can “test run” fantasies or techniques before sharing them with their partner. There’s no performance pressure with masturbation. It’s also a way of reconnecting with one’s own body and one’s on tastes. If I can’t give myself an orgasm, how can I expect anyone else to?

I’m sure that in the whole history of relationships there have been moments where someone rejected their willing partner and masturbated instead of having sex. If that has happened, I suspect there are a lot more problems in that relationship than just masturbation.

Generally speaking, masturbation isn’t connected to rejection. It’s self-exploration. It’s a time to get lost in selfish desires.

I have walked in on partners who were masturbating. I stood there with a smile on my face and watched. It was hot! Very sexy. It gave me the chance to observe my partner and feel like a naughty voyeur. When I was noticed, I asked them to continue and offered to help or just provide an audience. One time it turned into a very hot moment that I will keep private.

Erica was also upset about Ethan watching porn while masturbating. I don’t understand this either.

There’s porn—a fantasy world. It’s ridiculous and campy. It can be raunchy and debauched or it can be soft and almost sweet.

There’s coupled interactions—this is real. It can play out a fantasy, but it is real people interacting in the real world. It can be everything from amazing to a clumsy comedy of errors.

They’re two different worlds and they serve very different needs. I don’t understand why someone would be upset that their partner is watching porn. I can understand if the behavior is unhealthy. If there was some kind of porn addiction or something like that. I can also understand feelings of rejection if someone is treated poorly because they lack a pornstar figure. If that is going on, then the relationship has bigger problems than someone masturbating while watching porn.

Am I unusual in thinking there’s nothing wrong with watching porn and masturbating regardless of one’s relationship status? I see nothing wrong with masturbation. If the relationship is good and if the sex life within the relationship is healthy, why would it be a problem?

It’s my body. I’m going to touch it if I want to.

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